Why am I doing all this? The writing, the art, theatre, inventions – there’s an awful lot of stuff that I do. Why? Is this just ego talking? Do I have a grand scheme? Am I some kind of evil scientist in training? Or is it just the mad scrabbling of an old man desperately trying to leave a legacy behind him? I have no simple answer for this.

            Yes, I’m old. And as an older man, without any glittering prizes to show, I do feel the need at some level to leave a mark – to say, ‘I did this!’. I can’t deny that. I think most men in their 50s and 60s start to look back on their lives and try to make sense of it all. Men in their 40s (at least in America) start to panic and do stupid things like having affairs or buying little red sports cars. We generally call this the Mid-Life Crisis. But by your 60^th year, you’re supposed to be over all that, right? Some, of course, never quite get beyond that. Thankfully, I got over that bit pretty early. But the need for a legacy? I’ve admittedly been thinking a lot about that in the last several years. But I’ve begun to think it’s more than that.

            Ego? Yeah, I’ve got plenty of that. The feeling that I’m better than this, that I have a lot more to offer and that people are going to want to see it – that’s always been at work in my mind. See, since I’m one of those who were recognized as being ‘talented’ from a young age, it was sort of a foregone conclusion that a strong ego would develop as well. Boy, did it ever. I’ve been an intolerable know-it-all for most of my life. It didn’t help that I developed a strong facility for science and math at the same time. I became a boor in a dozen subjects. However, as I’ve gotten older, I got the hint that most people just aren’t interested in the same things I am, and no one likes to be lectured. So, that’s become less of a problem (I hope) than it once was.

            Do I have a grand scheme? Not one, but many over the years. And that’s actually been quite a problem for me. You see, though I’ve always had these big ideas, I’ve never had the money or the ability to bring any of them to fruition. Frustrating hardly covers it. In fact, my complete inability to make the world into what I want it to be (single-handedly, might I add), has been a big part of the reason I became delusional. My delusions became more real for me than reality itself, and I wandered the paths of madness for a long time. Far too long. Thankfully, over the last dozen years or so, I have found my way out of the madness, and I have no wish to undo the healing and return to the delusions. The grand schemes have been shelved.

            How about seeing myself as some kind of evil overlord or mad scientist? I admit, I share a lot of traits in common with these cartoonish characters – so it’s been tempting. (See my previous blog – “How to Take Over the World” for an idea of how tempting it is.) In the end, I realized I don’t really want to run the world, I just want to change it – preferably for the better. So, there goes the whole ‘evil overlord’ idea. I feel that I would much rather be seen as a ‘Benefactor of Humanity’, but how does one accomplish this feat? And still remain a private person? I am an admitted introvert, after all.

            I think I’d kind of like to do Leo da Vinci one better – I want to be seen as a Renaissance Man, but I’d like to have that moniker while I’m still alive. Leo wasn’t really recognized as anything but a really good painter until several hundred years after he died. Sorry, not quick enough for me. The reason da Vinci was not celebrated in his own time is pretty simple – he never got his notebooks published. That means that no one knew he really saw himself as a scientist and a naturalist, and only painted to keep the money coming in. If anyone had seen, let alone understood, the ideas he was working on, the course of human history would have been very different – especially medicine.

            I’m not saying that I’m anywhere near as smart as da Vinci (you wanna talk about an ego trip?), but I do have a large range of abilities – so the raw material is there. However, it turns out I’m not nearly as good at most of these things as I always supposed I was, so I have a lot of catching up to do. But I have every hope of making real progress before the end. I just have to work my ass off. This I can do. Is it going to happen overnight? Of course not – that goes straight back to delusional thinking. However, I’ve run across this idea recently: ‘everyone overestimates what they can do in a year’s time, but everyone underestimates what they can do in ten years.’ At my level of health (together with good genetics), I figure I have at least another ten years in me, not counting accidents or catastrophic illness, maybe more. This is the reason I’m working so hard at art and writing so late in the game. It is also why I will pick up and enhance my other skills and make sure that other people know what I’m doing and why. Because I literally have no more time to waste – and everything to gain.

            Onward.

bcd

            Are you familiar with the MBTI? How about the pack theory of social interaction? Ever read The Secret? Are you a Stoic? A fan of Hustle Culture? Do you follow a particular ‘social influencer’? Ain’t it fun? Want to know something even more fun? It’s all a lie. You are being manipulated and tricked into making other people rich. Stop it.

            The Meyers-Briggs personality matrix is pseudo-science at best, damaging at worst, and bears a remarkable resemblance to astrology. Of course, astrology is also on the upswing again, along with crystal power and other ridiculous semi-religions that prey on the simple minded. The pack theory (think Alpha males, Beta males, etc) is stupidly specific and obviously tailored to make gym bros and middle managers feel like the masters of all they survey. The hawkers of the Law of Attraction, Hustle Culture and anything resembling Amway aren’t even being shy about raiding your wallet. And why on Earth would you take the advice of any social influencer or celebrity on any subject as if it were Gospel? Here’s an idea: Think for Yourself!

            All the people who push this crap on YouTube, Instagram or other social media platforms aren’t doing it for your benefit, or to ‘get the word out’ – it’s making them a LOT of money. The upshot is this: you are being prodded, led, sweet-talked into putting yourself into ever-smaller boxes and encouraged to do the same to others, for the privilege of making someone else rich. Haven’t you been a slave long enough? Why do we always seem to chase after anyone who’ll show us a way to get rich quick or get us laid by the man/woman of our dreams? Why do we always get duped by carnival magicians, side-show carneys and roulette wheels? Answer: we all want to be rich and famous and good-looking, but it’s just so hard! So, we opt for a quick fix. And the vultures swoop in.

            The plain fact is, if you’re reading this (instead of having it spoon-fed to you), you’re at least as smart as the average human, with the requisite opportunities and advantages. You probably also have a lot of limiting beliefs and a strong aversion to anything painful or that you perceive as being ‘too difficult’. This just means that you find yourself on a level playing field with the bulk of humanity. Of course, far off in the distance there, on their golden hill, are the lucky ones, the rich and powerful. What you may not have realized yet is that you can have anything they have, or something entirely different, that the rich and powerful would pay dearly for. You only have to set your sails and work for what you want.

            Oh, there’s that word again – work. Everyone’s favorite four-letter word. Not. I’ve mentioned this in other blogs, so I’ll only touch on it here: if you want anything of value, you need to trade equal value for it – this usually involves work. The more important the goal, the more valuable it is to you, the more work is involved. Embrace the pain. This is the thing that too many self-help gurus get wrong – it won’t be quick, it’s not simple, and it will never be easy to get what you really want. But it can be done. And while it will require some sacrifices of you, almost no goal requires you to live like a hermit or simplify your life to the point of near homelessness. Don’t believe their crap. Think for Yourself!

            What you really need to do in order to be more successful, or be more fit, or be more popular, or even just to figure out who to vote for, is to ignore all the screaming voices and do your own research. Dig into the internet and find out what kind of information or education you need to make strides toward your goal. These days, much of what you need to know can be gotten cheaply or even free. There is absolutely nothing you cannot understand if someone explains it to you clearly enough and you can think about it correctly. Increase your financial literacy, learn how to be a good communicator, unravel the smoke and mirrors side-show of politics – knowledge truly is power. Why do you think so many millionaires and billionaires read all the time? They know where the power truly resides – in a logical and informed mind.

            There is no reason you cannot have what you deeply and truly want. If you can get educated (and I don’t mean schooling – more about that in another blog), if you can plan effectively and execute your plan, if you can work hard, pivot when you get stalled and just keep going – no one can stand in your way. Don’t let what your parents told you, or your teachers or your friends, stop you or even slow you down. Even madness is no excuse – trust me. I just finished writing a book. Is it great? I have no way of knowing until it goes to print, and people tell me what they think. But whether it does well or not, I’m currently writing another one. And I’ll write another after that, and another and another until people start to notice. I refuse to listen to nay-sayers, and so should you. Don’t let anyone ever tell you what you’re worth, or that you just can’t do it. Don’t let other people do your thinking for you – THINK FOR YOURSELF! And may whatever God or power you believe in bless you on your way.

            Fight on, my friends.

            TGC

            Okay, I need to apologize. I missed another deadline for posting. This time, I wasn’t overwhelmed with holiday preparations or down with the flu, nor did I just up and forget. I honestly was at a loss for something to write about. But I can’t keep using that excuse, so I’ll just explain what kind of whirlwinds have been wrecking my mind lately.

            I’m still learning things from ‘Blue Period’, as well as reading books about acrylic painting and watercolor, and watching YouTube videos from Sketchbook Skool. Basically, I’ve immersed myself in art education. I have learned a hell of a lot, trying to make up for decades of neglect. I am also trying to build myself up to a daily art habit – one sketchbook page, or one drawing, or one painting per day. And all the while, different types of information concerning art are whirling around my head like dry leaves in a dust devil. For instance, I learned today that if you’re not sure what kinds of painting you’d like to produce, you should collect one dozen (images of) paintings that you really like and analyze them for commonality and overall theme. The things that stand out the most to you will be your artistic ‘voice’. I can’t say I ever thought of it like that – it’s fascinating. But I also feel that it’s time to stop studying and start doing.

            Taking a stroll through Google, I can’t say that there’s any one art style I prefer so far. There are things, however, that I’m not too fond of: portraits, extreme expressionism, barns, animals, most abstract art, most ‘fantasy’ art. I’ll figure it out, I guess. Seeing that I haven’t painted anything in a dozen years, I don’t really have an opinion worth anything at the moment.

            On the writing front, I’ve been making painfully slow progress. A lot of that has to do with my hyper focus on artwork, but some of it is Resistance. The book The War of Art has a lot to say on the subject of Resistance. In brief, the closer a writer gets to actually making headway in a script, the harder the Resistance fights back. I have found this to be true in a general way, but there’s more to it than that. Sometimes the work itself will stop you, because you’re going in the wrong direction. I had that happen last year with a science-fiction novel I was working on. It happened not once, but several times. Once, because I was taking a minor character in a completely unnecessary direction, once because I added a character I didn’t need (who just gummed up the work), and finally, because the story had changed completely and needed to be rewritten entirely. I got the hint, finally, and shelved the project. I’ll get back to it. Later.

            Currently, things seem to be in a quivering stasis – not so much a creative block, as a kind of anticipation. It feels a bit like the night before a big race – I know I’m ready, I’ve done everything I can, now all I can do is wait. Does that make sense? Right now, I’m focused on artwork, but my writing feels rested up and ready to charge into the fray. The next few weeks should be interesting.

            So, maybe this blog is mis-titled. Instead of ‘Clueless’, maybe it should be something like ‘Poised’ or ‘Starting Gun’. Only one difficulty – when I started writing this, I was clueless. My head was in a whirl, I couldn’t focus, I desperately wanted to do something and had nothing to do. Kind of like the night before a big race. Hmmm.

            Therefore, in the same mode as the night before a race, maybe what I should actually be doing is getting some rest, stretch a bit, and get to my position. Deep breath, relax, let the gun release you. There is nothing else I can do for now. To attempt to run around like a headless chicken, trying to ‘make things happen’, would be counter-productive at best – damaging at worst. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.

            I will do my best to get the next blog out on time, and hopefully I’ll have good things to report soon. This one has been fairly personal. Let me know if you prefer that or my normal broad view snarkiness. Be well.

bcd

            It seems to me that most people make resolutions at this time of year – promises to themselves that ‘this year I’ll be better’, or that they’ll do better or stop doing whatever. And then, within a month or two, they’ve forgotten their promises completely. Whether it’s going to the gym or going for a run or staying on a diet, it seems most people’s staying power can be measured in days, if not hours. And everybody whines about it. It’s such a common litany that it’s long since become a joke. This is one of the least funny things I can think of.

            The thing is, we all know very well that no progress is possible if we can’t stick to our guns and conquer our goals. And everyone who goes down this road – at least initially – has the same high expectations, year after year. And generally, they make the same lists and the same promises, every year. After 10 years or 20, most people finally just give up on the whole idea, deciding that ‘other people can do this, but I can’t’. It’s hogwash, of course, but it’s hard to convince people of that when they’re disillusioned and tired. But still – it’s extremely important for people to learn how to move forward and improve. In fact, it’s critical.

            For centuries – probably since the Renaissance – those who could push against the current, brave the storm and face privation, hunger and worse, were held up as the standard against which all others were to be judged. They were the everyday heroes, the leaders and men of wisdom – but we have lost them. The last hundred years has seen an emasculation and de-feminization of all humans. On the endless drive toward ‘equality for all’, we have been sold a vision of grungy mediocrity and told that this was now ‘normal’. We were told that an average education, a ‘good’ job with advancement opportunities, marriage, children, old age and death were the best anyone could hope for. It was a lie, but we bought into it because it was easy. This life required no heroism, no sacrifice and no venturing into the unknown. Initially, those who knew the truth of this deception laughed to themselves as they scooped up all the power and the cash. But even their children have bought into the lie, so that now, all humans merely exist. Who needs the Matrix? We’ve imprisoned ourselves.

            Now, as we stand on the cusp of a new year, a very uncertain year – financial instability, political instability, rogue nations flexing their muscles, and a pandemic that seems to go on forever – now, more than ever, we need those heroes back. We need to have people who can stand up against the darkness, violence and ignorance that swirls all around us, and fight back. We need the hope they can bring and the vision they carry. But who are these people? Where do we find these heroes? Look in the mirror – you’re it.

            The world needs the ones who will stand up and fight for the future – not for old flags and worn-out concepts, but for hope, prosperity and freedom. The old ‘normal’ is dead – we can never go back there again. We need to find a way to fix the old problems left to us as a toxic legacy, a way to reformat the civil and social systems as we leave the old ones in the dust. And by the way, we need to do this without making any billionaires richer and without leaving anyone behind. This, by the way, does not mean we need to lean into socialism. Socialism doesn’t really work well. It leads far too easily into totalitarianism – something we need to avoid at all costs.

What we actually need is true democracy, an idea that has never really had a shot because it was too difficult to implement before. No longer. Cell phones and social media have democratized the planet, to the point that this newfound connectivity has many government entities very nervous. What we need now is total, extra-governmental, extra-commercial privacy systems, in order to seal the snoops away from us – so that we can do as we will without fear of tracking, interference or reprisal. Note of warning: if your idea of a fun thing to do is overthrow your government, understand that they have no sense of humor about this, and you will be quickly found and eliminated. One of the major functions of government is to protect itself. A word to the wise.

            Decentralize commerce, crash the Stock Market, rewrite the laws of human behavior, pull the government’s teeth, institute a standard 20-hour work week, make money superfluous – do the kinds of things you ache to do in order to make the world new – just don’t hurt anyone in the process. And don’t forget, 25% or more of the human population are stupid, and will neither understand nor appreciate what you’re trying to do (see my blog, ‘Stupid Are Us’ for more). You can’t change them, there’s no point in fighting them, so go around them. Otherwise, even the sky is no longer the limit – dream big!

            So, from a practical standpoint, how do we do this? Hell, where do we start? As with most things, the answer is embarrassingly simple – it’s the implementation that sucks. Start with you – you’re the only thing you can really change with any hope of success – using small changes of habit, consistently applied, you can be a different person in a year. Once you’ve seen how that works, apply it to other things around you. What things? Here’s a hint: if you see a problem that needs fixing, and you think you know how to fix it – that task is probably meant for you. Roll up your sleeves and get to work. While you’re at it, find force multipliers – other people who have the same vision as you. Start a social media page, talk about the problem to everyone you know, find ways to build a movement. You’re stronger than you know.

            This year don’t make New Year’s just about fixing the same old things – losing ten pounds or getting a raise – make it really count. Get out there and change the world. Be a hero. Because you can.

            Be well

            TGC

            General Dwight D. Eisenhower (later President) had a couple of big jobs in his time. As Supreme Allied Commander in World War II, he was responsible for planning and executing the D-Day landings in 1944. He remarked that there were two ways to judge tasks, by how urgent they were and by how important they were. Then he drew a two by two and put ‘urgent’ on one axis and ‘important’ on the other. The tasks which should get done first are those that are both important and urgent. Next should be the tasks marked ‘important’, whether or not they’re urgent. Those that are merely urgent are in the third spot, and anything which is neither urgent nor important can be ignored. This simple graph has been a staple of productivity gurus and efficiency experts ever since. What the graph doesn’t tell you, is how lopsided these concepts actually are. It also doesn’t address the tyranny of ‘Urgent’.

            Humans are ridiculous, simple creatures. We want everything placed in nice, tidy little boxes with easy-to-understand labels, all quiet and well-behaved. Anything that jumps up and makes noise is quickly branded as ‘upsetting’ or ‘urgent’ and must be dealt with immediately. We believe that chaos is unhealthy and bad – anything which is part of the chaos must be silenced. So, naturally, all sorts of random occurrences and stray noise gets branded with the label ‘Urgent’, and must be handled right away, whether or not they’re important or even relevant. In fact, many things which are truly important and even truly urgent get shuffled to the back of the line, simply because they don’t make enough noise. So, all your time and energy is wasted trying to get unimportant and trivial items to sit still and be quiet. It’s like herding cats.

            Christmas has been kicking my ass this year, like it does most years, because the randomness and noise rises to a fever pitch, drowning out all the useful and important things that need to be done. I end up cranky and exhausted, trying to put out all the stupid little fires – and I invariably miss some very important items along the way. This year has been worse than most, and my writing has come to a dead stop because of it – including my blogs. I apologize for that. I will try to do better in future. I did manage to finish an edit on one manuscript (Soul Surgery), which I hope to put out for sale the first of next year, so my time was not entirely wasted.

            Another tired and bruised soul swam into my view today: Danny from Sketchbook Skool, a YouTube channel I follow, was up to his eyeballs because he was obsessing over buckets of little editing details for his vlog – it was getting in the way of him actually posting anything. So, yeah – not exactly the same issue, but it felt familiar. I sent him a little moral support. By the way, if anyone reading this blog has any interest in learning to draw, improving stale art skills, or even just wondering if maybe they could figure this art stuff out – go check out Sketchbook Skool – it’s a lot of fun, educational and not at all scary. I highly recommend it. I’ll be recommending other channels I find useful in the future, so stay tuned. Anyhow, the point is, we all get sidetracked and sidelined by the excessive busy-ness we tend to push on ourselves. Happens to everybody. The trick is to find a way out of the mess we make for ourselves.

            The only way I know, finally, to escape the tyranny of the urgent is to stop running madly about, sit down with pencil and paper and write out what Absolutely Has To Be Done. Once you’ve got the list under control, look more closely at the things on the list – which items are important? Which are simply urgent? How many items are neither important nor urgent, just noisy? You can probably ignore the last group. Those items will still be noisy, but you’ve got their measure now. Ignore them if you can. If not, do one or two of them after doing the important stuff. The idea is to control the details of your life – don’t let them control you. And yeah, it really is just that simple. Stop being a victim of your busy-ness. Any huge task can be conquered if you just break it down into smaller jobs and do each one in order, starting with the one right in front of you. Life is simpler than we tend to make it.

            So, after stomping the loud little buggers into submission, my Christmas has become a lot more serene. Of course, it’s never going to be completely tame, but I can live with that. You see, chaos isn’t always a bad thing. Most artists need at least a little randomness and confusion, just to keep things interesting. I’m no different. As a side note, I’m in the process of re-learning a bunch of very basic lessons in making art. These were lessons I quite frankly ignored growing up, mostly because I imagined that I already knew everything I needed to know. Stupid, I know. But I finally know that I do not know – and I’m trying to correct that. Thank you, Mahlon (if you’re still out there). I finally got it. My tomorrows are now better than my yesterdays.

            Happy Holidays. Be well.

            bcd

            Okay, here’s a digression you won’t see too often. This is about my reaction to – wait for it – a comic book. Okay, more specifically, a manga – a Japanese comic book, translated to English. Guilty confession time (who am I kidding? I never feel guilt.) – I read more manga than almost any other form of literature. I fell in love with the genre after reading Love Hina by Ken Akamatsu, and I’ve never stopped, really. But this one is different, this one hit me hard.

            Blue Period is written and illustrated by Tsubasa Yamaguchi, and it’s amazing. The story revolves around Yatora, his discovery of art as a high school student, and his subsequent decision to go all in to become an artist. It has a very odd cast of characters (not your typical manga fare), no romantic thread that I can trace, no sex (not even fan-service), and is absolutely dead-on in its treatment of art, art students and the art world in general. The author reveals her deep love of art and the crazy characters that make it, but more than that, she shows very clearly how artists are perceived by society in general and even how artists see each other. One of the themes of the work is the difference between ‘talent’ and ‘hard work’. Yatora believes he has no talent, and so must work hard just to keep up, yet he consistently outpaces many of his classmates and produces incredible artwork. His classmates and teachers, on the other hand, continuously chide him for thinking that ‘talented’ people have it easy in the art world. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hard work is required to advance your art, no matter how talented you are.

            Am I never going to see the end of my embarrassment? Not only have I always thought the same way about ‘talented’ people, but I myself am talented, and should’ve seen through the argument years ago. Uuurrg. In fact, the mistaken belief that ‘you’re so talented, things should come easily to you’ was drilled so deep into my thinking as a child, that even after I started ranting against the concept, I was still accepting it implicitly. Coupled with an overblown sense of my own worth as a smart person, I not only stifled any possibility of improvement in my artforms, but I readily accepted the ‘fact’ that I already knew everything I needed to know and could produce any number of drawings, paintings, novels, what have you, without effort or thought. Holy shit, I’m an idiot. My delusions went so damn deep, I begin to wonder if I’ll ever find the bottom. Makes me want to dig a hole, jump in and pull the dirt in over me.

            Nah. I’m not the self-destructive type, except by accident. But that leaves me with the same question I ask myself when these feelings and thoughts blindside me like this – so, what now? I mean, I could wail and rant for days about how cruel the world is and why was I born if only to suffer, and crap like that. Screw it. I’m done crying. So, really, what now? What steps can I take to make this better, to make sure I don’t end up here again? That’s actually a useful question.

            I already have a very helpful pattern built up of writing every day (if possible), which has saved my life and my sanity on more than one occasion, thank you. I need to do the same thing with a sketchbook journal – just a few minutes a day drawing something, anything that comes to mind or presents itself to me. I know for a fact that my art sort of froze in place sometime in my mid-to-late twenties, mostly because I gave up the habit of sketching whenever I had an odd minute. I’m currently rediscovering my body’s ability to heal itself by working out several days a week – and I’m 64. Don’t try to tell me I can’t get my art back, I’ll kick your ass.

            I’m finding that the trick is to create small habits and apply them consistently. Start with one, then move to two, three and four until you have the direction of your time and your life set to the course you choose. Then all you do is refine and maintain. Seems ridiculously simple, doesn’t it? And it is simple in concept. But simple doesn’t mean easy. I promise you, it’s not remotely easy. Very often, I find myself sitting down on a bench at the gym, thinking – I’m really tired, I just wanna go home. But I get up and do at least one more exercise. And that’s the key, right there: when you want to quit, do at least one more. As I stated in a previous blog, ‘embrace the pain’. Because it’s only by embracing the small, momentary pain of doing the work we don’t want to do, but know we should, that we ever make progress.

            Anthony Trollope famously said, “A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labours of a spasmodic Hercules.” The man should know. He was a successful bank examiner who penned hundreds of popular books while riding the trains back and forth on his job. Almost all artists, for the last two hundred years or so at least, have had to hold down regular, boring day jobs in order to live, creating their art in the time left to them at the end of the day. The lucky ones (the few) have been catapulted to fame and the ability to do their work full time.

            Artists scribbling away in a dingy, lonely garret or living like hermits surrounded by bottles of paint, turpentine and brushes while they labored on their ‘masterpieces’ is a fantasy – mostly a flat-out lie. Real artists – the successful ones – learn the truth that genius means nothing, talent is useless, unless you can settle in to the hard work of mastering your craft, doing it every day without fail and turning out dozens, hundreds, even thousands of works, most of which will never be seen. Did you know that it’s estimated that Picasso turned out over 150,000 paintings and other works during his life? That is much of the reason that we remember him.

            It’s not enough to follow your passion. It’s not enough to be talented, or even a genius. Yes, it makes the process a touch easier, but if you want to make an impact, if you want your art to be recognized and sought after, you need to work at it diligently. There is no easier road. I am surprised, embarrassed and tickled to learn this lesson (again) from the oddest of sources – a comic book. My own ‘Blue Period’ is still in full swing. I take great comfort in that fact.

            Onward my friends, to victory.

            bcd

            No, I’m not suddenly writing potboiler romances. This is about real passion – so, a lot more powerful and a lot more dangerous. Every self-appointed self-help guru out there is always telling you to ‘find your passion!’ and ‘follow your passion!’ as if this were the magic pill to guarantee you success and happiness. It just tells me that they’ve never felt real passion. They don’t tell you how much true passion hurts. They don’t tell you what kind of visions and madness it can induce in you. They don’t tell you how it sucks the life out of you when you lose your passion. They don’t tell you these things because they don’t know them.

            When we’re young, we (mostly) all experience passions of varying strength. Passion in youth is closely tied with hormone surges, so they are often misidentified as sexual urges. Truth be told, it is hard to tell the difference when you’re in the thick of it. It feels like a burning flame in your gut, an unquenchable fire that feels horrible and scary and unbearably wonderful all at once. A person in the grip of passion runs fevers, runs races, talks incessantly, creates without rhyme or reason – they’re out of control because the passion is in control. It’s a grand and glorious and slightly insane way to live.

            However, as we grow older, the hormone levels normalize, and the passions start to go away. We are taught by our society that we should accept this as a condition of maturity, a sign that we are becoming stable and trustworthy citizens. After all, people who are ruled by their passions are unpredictable and dangerous. Sane people don’t live that way, we are told – let it go. Society doesn’t mention the fact that artists, performers (and certain mathematicians and scientists) need passion to inspire their work. This is one reason why creatives are often seen as random and sometimes insane. To be a person who ‘follows his passions’ used to mean a troublemaker – it’s only been recently that so many have taken up the call for passion as an answer to boredom and mid-life crisis.

            Many, if not most, people will be perfectly well served by reduced levels of passion. I don’t believe anyone should go completely without, because it adds so much color and joy to living. But to dash around like a madman would be very uncomfortable for most. Creatives, however, require the heat and electricity of grand passion in order to function. It’s like a fire that burns in your soul, igniting creativity. In older artists, it no longer appears as a roaring campfire, but as a bed of bright coals – not a lot of flash, but much hotter than the showy fire of youth. But it must be fed and maintained – if it’s once allowed to go out, it’s a hundred to one you’ll never get it lit again. That final extinguishing is a death knell for any artist.

            My own fires very nearly went out. Through blind acceptance of society’s edicts and a series of faulty choices, I ended up throwing cold water on much of my own fire. The result was profound pain and spiritual discomfort, which I either ignored or misinterpreted as the encroachment of age. It has only been through study and the daily habit of writing that I have finally uncovered the truth of my condition. My task now is to feed the remaining coals and blow them back to life. Continuing to write every day, as well as adding the practice of making art whenever I can, is slowly bringing my passion up to useful levels again. I may burn my own fingers from time to time, and I’m creating a lot of smoke and fume in the process, but I’m happy to do it. I’m becoming creative once more.

            If you want to know where your own passions lie, here’s a hint: compile a short list of the people you consider your heroes, then examine their lives. How did they find their path? What sorts of habits did they have? What did they give up? When you have all this information compiled, compare their facts to the facts of your own life. Chances are, you’ll find a lot of similarities – you’ll find differences too, but once you can see them, you can work on them. It will also narrow down your choices when it comes to life goals. Some things you already do will be compatible with your chief goal – many things will not be. Once you’ve worked out the broad aim points and expectations, it’s time for the rubber to meet the road. Start working, right now, on whatever it is you want to do. And understand one thing from the start – for the first bit (maybe quite a bit), you are going to suck at this. Don’t get discouraged, it happens to everybody. Nobody – not even your heroes – were good at their chosen work from the start. The one bit of useful advice that the gurus give all the time is this: never compare yourself to anyone’s end result, only compare yourself to who you were yesterday. And when the passion flares up in your soul again, revel in it – let it power your endeavors.

            Don’t follow your passions, live in them. Don’t find your passion, as if it were something you had to figure out – you already know what it is. Feed it, tend it, burn with it. Living passionately, breathing fire, dancing with madness – it’s not a sane way to live. But you know what? Sanity is kinda overrated. And just remember, the future is not created by those who seek safety. The future belongs to those who burn with passion. Flame on.

pax et ama

bcd

            There is an immense tapestry of lives and times unknown to us, unrecorded by any history – quiet lives, tumultuous times, souls that were deeply important for their times and places, but that we have lost or simply ignored.

            What of the people who lived two thousand years ago in ancient China, or the Moors of medieval Spain? Who remembers the Mound Builders of the plains in what would become the central United States? Seafarers of the Mediterranean at the time of Christ? Plenty is written about the Egypt of the Pharaohs, but where are the tales of ancient Minos? Who sings the songs of pre-Christian Ireland?

            Even closer to home, but of a different strain altogether, are the tales of worlds that might have been, or almost were, but never happened. We call it fantasy, but is it really just a brush of sound, a swirl of color from another dimension? It would be a very different world, indeed, if Martin Luther had never lashed out at injustice; if Hitler had died in World War I; or if Einstein had decided to stick with music instead of physics.

            Or, going one step further out, what of the tales of worlds we can never touch – fabulous yarns featuring elves and goblins, dragons and warlocks and fairy princesses? High fantasy or low, dark or light, these stories never really go away. Tales of bright magic and eldritch horror march on the edge of our dreams. What are they trying to tell us?

            And then, of course, there are the tales of a future which may or may not be. Wishful thinking, in the minds of many; but without that wishful thinking we would not have many of the toys and wonders of technology we now enjoy. ‘Science Fiction’ has been a beacon of hope and a vision of possibilities for centuries, now. It’s more than just a pipe dream. It is prophecy.

            I am a wanderer, forever traveling down those avenues of thought that others dismiss as “wasting time”. Time for what? The amassing of fortunes; the pursuit of fame? Ridiculous. Now that, I would consider ‘time wasted’. I’ve never wanted any of that; never saw any use in it. More and more, the unwritten stories in my head press in on me, demanding to be written. But up to this point, I have been lazy – no, I have been afraid. I have been afraid that no one else would want these stories; I have been afraid of the ridicule that has haunted me from my earliest days. But as I grow older, and I see that there are fewer days ahead of me than behind, I realize that I must act. I must walk into the shadowy realm and rescue the fair maid – with nothing but a pen – alone. I am left with Frodo’s dilemma: I fear to go forward, but I cannot go back. The only way out is through. I may die in the attempt, but whatever I do, I have to stop wasting time. And for me, wasting time is not in the dreaming of my dreams, but the failure to write them down.

            When I was fourteen years old, my mind suddenly ‘woke up’. I began to see things others could not, I understood things no one had taught me. I was given a vision of the nature of existence, and it haunts me still. I saw all of the multiverse spread out before me like an immense tapestry or layers of tapestries, the threads and designs in the fabric were real and unreal things, some physical, some ethereal, from entire galaxies to a single wave in the ocean, animals, plants, wind. The design on the tapestry seemed chaotic until you looked closely at it, then it revealed its immense and intimate, constantly recursive and reinvented patterns moving in and out of each other. And then I noticed that there were smaller patterns worked into the overall design – sometimes in a single color, sometimes many colors, some repeating, some standing alone. I realized that these were the additions to the pattern left by people, whether as art or science, architecture or literature. I saw that everyone is given a ball of thread and a needle and told to make the tapestry beautiful as only they can. Some do. Most – sadly – don’t.

            Many people want to know what makes artists do what they do – what makes them tick. I can’t speak for anyone but myself. My own thread is fairly straightforward. I have stories to tell: some dark, some funny, some just flat-out confusing. All of them present the audience with the images of people – humans, mostly, with all their blemishes and glories, their animal hungers and altruistic motives. But whether I’m writing or drawing, creating fantasies or science fiction, a common theme runs through every narrative – hope. Many people say that it’s too late – we’ve done too much damage to ourselves and our planet, and only inevitable collapse awaits us – there is no hope. I disagree completely. The first rule of prophecy is that prophets of doom are always wrong. I may seem like a grump to most people, or at the very least a pessimist. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m an optimist and a dreamer, but I create fantasy realms – I don’t live in them. I hope that what people get from my art, from my stories, is that there are rough times ahead, but we can pull through. Humans are endlessly inventive, and we can solve our problems. Just don’t give up. Pick up your ball of thread and stitch your design into the tapestry. Remember, where there’s life, there’s hope.

Be good to each other.

pax et ama

TGC

            I don’t want to be rich and famous – but then again, I do. Before I can explain that little bit of nonsense, I need to explain something about myself. It has become quite clear to me through the years that I don’t see, think or do pretty much anything the way other people do. I don’t actually have a problem with this. I function just fine, thank you. But whenever you see or hear me make any statement – on pretty much any subject – you can assume that I don’t mean what you think I mean. This is partly why I spend so much time explaining myself.

            Let’s just say, I have no wish to be rich and famous the way most people think of those terms. I don’t need a private yacht or a permanent party or scads of cash leaking out of my pockets – most of that sounds incredibly boring. A private island might be nice, however. (I’ve always wanted a secret base/evil lair) As far as fame is concerned, most of it just looks too painful. Who needs to be the center of everyone’s attention all the time? Besides narcissists, I mean. Many actors, rock stars and even sports heroes regularly complain about the pressure put on them by public exposure. I do notice that politicians don’t seem to have the same gripes. Coincidence? I would like to be known and appreciated – not mobbed. And tell me if you think those people – the rich and famous – are actually better people for the money and fame? Not usually.

            Yet everyone seems to want these things. And because they want these things, there are always tricksters, snake-oil salesmen – gurus – who (for a fee) will tell you how they became rich and famous and how you can too.

            Balderdash.

            Whether it’s a teenage Tik-Tok influencer or a middle-aged man in a suit trying to show you how to become a wealthy star overnight, they’re all lying to you. They may have made their money or their fame in a particular way, but usually it’s not a repeatable formula, and they’re no longer making it big that same way. They’re earning their money and fame from you. In other words, they may have made their first million in real estate, but now all their income comes from seminars and books. Not precisely crooked, but deeply shady. Besides, why do you want to be like them, anyway?

            That is the real question, isn’t it? In a country where we have the highest standard of living in human history, why do most of us still ‘want it all’? The answer is not shocking, but the solution might be. The answer is simple: we all want to live at ease, adored by all those around us. That’s at base what being rich and famous means. Now – how do you do that? That’s where the solution comes in.

            Becoming wealthy in a wealthy country is really not that tough. You simply have to be willing to give up a couple of ridiculous ideas about money, do some fairly easy research and become the master of the money that comes in your door rather than the slave. There are a ton of books and websites (mostly free!) that you can turn to in order to get the info you need, but you need to give up at least two commonly held ideas, first. First false concept: money is evil, and if you want money that must mean you’re evil. Absolutely wrong. Money is a tool, nothing more. It’s absolutely neutral. And money won’t solve your problems, either. Money only solves money problems. Second false concept: there’s only so much money to go around, so if the rich people have all the money, you can’t get any. While that might have been true a hundred years ago, it no longer is. Money is nothing more than an idea, bits in a computer somewhere, and you have just as much access to it as they do – if you know how to get it. Any other concept of money is based on fear and ignorance. So, stop being afraid of money, and stop being ignorant – get financial training. As I said before, it’s everywhere and it’s mostly free.

            Furthermore, do you really need to be a millionaire, let alone a billionaire? Sit down and figure out how much money you need coming in, monthly and annually, in order to live comfortably and do what you’d like (without going crazy), then figure out a way to get there. That’s the real worth of a financial education. Start with a book called The Richest Man in Babylon – that book is like a First-Grade education in financial literacy.

            Now, as far as fame, let’s break this down a bit. Most people don’t really need to have hordes of worshipers screaming their name. Those that do, need to be locked up. What most people mean when they say, ‘famous’ is actually more like ‘important’. We want to feel that we are appreciated, that people recognize our worth. That’s actually very simple to achieve, but counter intuitive. Keep this fact firmly in mind: you become important in direct relation to the number of people you are helpful to. Or put another way, in order to be the greatest, you must be the servant of all. Sound familiar? Yep, that’s what he meant.

            So, there you go – the secret to fame and fortune. I’ll admit it’s much simpler in concept than it is in practice, but hey! If you didn’t have to work for it at least a little bit, it wouldn’t be worth anything to you, would it? If you like, you can consider me a guru – a ten-cent guru, and the last one you should have to listen to. And I don’t even want your money.

            Be well.

bcd

            I’m going to make a statement that I don’t expect many will agree with on first view: there is no Them – only Us. Now, let me explain what I mean.

            Black vs White, West vs East, Rich vs Poor, Christian vs Muslim vs Jew vs Atheist – all these divisions, all these convenient little boxes and definitions we think of – all of them are fake, false, untrue. None of them are real. They are all used on us, used against us really, to keep us fighting each other, to keep us divided. Why? Because those who are in power understand that they need to keep us divided so that they can remain in power. Now, for some background.

            Far back in prehistory, long before there were any civilizations, or any technology to speak of, humans learned – through hard experience – not to trust anyone outside of their own little tribes. They learned to fear anything that was not ‘us’. There were undoubtedly very good reasons to think this way, and tribal leaders encouraged this distrust in order to maintain both the safety of the tribe and their own primacy in it. Even as people started to gather in larger groups, to farm, to keep animals and protect themselves, there were still pretty good reasons not to trust others outside the community. However, sometime around the First Century A.D. (sue me, I’m old) with the success of the first great empires, we started to no longer need this aversion to strangers as a salient defense mechanism, and it started to be used as a weapon against the masses. In other words, those in power wanted us to distrust anyone outside the empire as a matter of course, but also to distrust anyone within the empire who didn’t look and talk like us, as a way to keep us subdivided and focused on each other rather than rising up as an uncontrollable unified block against our ‘masters’. It was a very effective device, and kings and emperors were encouraged to use it freely.

            For a while there, around the end of the Eighteenth century, the royals (like the Church before them), overstepped their traditional boundaries – the limits that kept everyone happy – and paid the price for their hubris. In fact, they had long since drunk their own Kool-Aid, and sincerely believed that they were God’s anointed and could therefore do whatever they wished. What they ended up doing was solidifying the masses against them, and the masses suddenly realized that they were strong. Empires fell, kingdoms vanished and those that remained were severely curtailed in power. Kings and High Priests were eventually replaced by captains of industry and Robber Barons, who wielded economic power in place of political power. They also set out to keep the masses (the workforce or proletariat) subdivided and weak. That way, they could get richer while the commoners – oh, who cared about them, anyway? This was the crux of Karl Marx’s message. By the time of the Russian Revolution, the promise of Communism was already being eroded by the Labor Union movement, and the Revolution devolved into just another grab for power.

            Now we find ourselves in another, similar situation. The various political and economic ‘powers that be’ have stepped up their perennial campaign to keep us shouting at each other and ignoring them. They have subdivided the people on a thousand different fronts from race to video games – all in the name of taking our power, our money and our voice away from us. So far, I hate to say, it’s been working pretty well. But they’ve made a mistake.

            Technology and its effects look like just another tool of the powerful, but they are as much at its mercy as we are. Conquer it. Social Media was created as yet another way to keep us occupied and staring at our little screens. Break it. Bitcoin is traded on the open market like some sort of toy for the rich. Start using it as an actual currency, and you will confuse them. Politicians shout their ridiculous slogans at each other, hoping to get us to take sides. Do this instead: look at the laws they are backing (or not); if you don’t like their stance, hit them up on social media and get other like-minded citizens in on it. Reward them or make them back down but make them do what you want. Break the program from within. Alter the grand experiment and leave them scratching their heads. Don’t like Japanese cars? Create a movement to abolish them by asking millions of car buyers to not buy Japanese cars. You’ll put a serious crease in their armor. Don’t use violence, vote with your wallet. Don’t stage rallies and demonstrations, use your electronic voice. The people who try to maintain power over you are defenseless in the face of overwhelming electronic mass opinion, and they will do precisely what we want, not the other way around. And there’s no way to shut it all down anymore. Yes, Big Brother is watching – watch him back.

            Start small, create social media groups of like-minded individuals to attack one and only one problem at a time. As you gain success, you will also gain a following, until you become an unstoppable force – decentralized, huge and implacable. Now is the time of Us – take back our world and reform it in Our image, restructure society as We want it, re-green the planet, change the very face of Economics. There is nothing we can’t do if We want it bad enough, no dictator or billionaire is unassailable. And the most beautiful thing of all? There is no They really – your opponents are disorganized, few and suspicious of each other. There is only Us – and together, We are powerful.

pax et ama

TGC