From time to time in my files, I notice that I start to repeat myself. This is kinda annoying, but it’s also a strong indicator that I’ve hit a milestone. A few years ago, I noticed that I was endlessly recounting all the mistakes of my past and my trip through insanity. I stopped doing that and moved into living in the present. After that, I realized that I had started yapping about following in da Vinci’s footsteps. I posted a general note to that effect in a number of my files, and that stopped. Now I’m finding myself talking about ‘living beyond fear’.
While they may be annoying, I do note that these little watershed moments have their own healing and energizing threads. The rant about my past helped me to overcome some of the shadows that still haunted me. The rant about Leonardo helped me to start expanding my vision and gave me the impetus to get back into art. The past, and the present – that’s another thing these two rants represented. My thoughts about becoming courageous are a look into the future. I wonder what this rant will do for me.
To begin. Discomfort, awkwardness, shyness, fear – these feelings have always indicated to me that I need to turn around and run back to safety. If I were a caveman, this would be a wise thing to do, and would keep me alive longer. It’s the 21st century – I need to do better than this.
There are legitimate fears, of course. Driving too fast in a sketchy car or driving anywhere with a drunk behind the wheel, for instance. Standing on the parapet of a tall building without a handhold. Or facing down a group of pissed off strangers with weapons. These are all legitimately dangerous actions; we need to be afraid at such times. But most things that flip that Danger switch in our lizard brains are not actually dangerous, and reacting as if they were simply holds us back from doing incredible things. It’s time to learn the difference between uncomfortable, and actually life-threatening actions. For example:
Dangerous: stepping out in front of a mob howling for your blood.
Uncomfortable: stepping out on stage to deliver a speech.
Dangerous: swimming in a tank filled with hungry sharks.
Uncomfortable: swimming where you can’t touch the bottom.
Dangerous: poisonous reptiles and spiders.
Uncomfortable: the 99% of all other reptiles and spiders that are not.
Dangerous: falling from a great height.
Uncomfortable: flying.
You get the idea. Many things are legitimately dangerous – but they can be coolly analyzed beforehand and understood to be dangerous, and therefore avoided. The things, on the other hand, that engage our emotions immediately and don’t allow logical thought are probably not an issue. You can learn to endure and even enjoy flying, for instance. I was terrified of flying until the age of 23. By the time I was 25 I was doing it for a living.
I entered the US Air Force at age 24, to become first an officer and then a Navigator. I spent those first two years of my Air Force experience breaking down and smashing through so many personal fears and barriers – it was terrifying and breathtaking. It also felt absolutely amazing. My life and my ways of thinking were changed completely by that experience. Only two other experiences have been as life-altering since: my marriage, and the birth of our son. In every case, I was required to face down fear of some sort and push through it to move forward.
Since then, I’ve backtracked. I have shied away from many things that I might have attempted, but I was afraid to move. Of course, I always had some excuse for why I couldn’t do it. Whether it was physically scary, like bungie jumping, or just mentally scary, like getting up on a horse, I’ve avoided so many experiences in my life. Now, I’m no adrenaline junkie, so bungie jumping is probably still not likely. But too many other things that have merely made me uncomfortable have stopped me from experiencing new things. The result is a life that’s kinda gray and same-y. This has to end.
I am reminded that my life was once joyous, wide and epic. I want that again. And now I realize that I don’t have to be jumping out of planes all the time to have a courageous life – there are lots of other risky and glorious things that I can do that won’t break my neck. I don’t have to drive 100 miles an hour to be a badass. I can write books and get them published. Or I can travel around the country, and perhaps even around the world, and experience things I never have before. I can still run races, push personal boundaries and learn new things. I’m old, but not nearly dead.
Elanor Roosevelt is credited with saying, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” For years, I thought that this saying was just ridiculous tripe. I know better, now. This is the secret that everyone looks for. It’s a very open secret, because everyone knows it, but no one wants to hear it. But it unlocks the power to fulfill all your dreams. Go in the direction of your fears, and you will smash boundaries on all sides. Try to lock the doors and live in safety, and your life will pass you by.
For too many years now, I have let fear stop me or turn me away from so many things in life. I stayed where I was put, done what I was told, stayed away from dark places and risky ventures, simply because I was afraid. I was afraid of getting hurt, afraid of people’s reactions, afraid of being wrong, afraid of being laughed at. Fear is an emotion, nothing more. Fear cannot harm me. I cannot allow it to dictate the course of my life any further. I will learn to live beyond fear.
Be well.
bcd